On the 27th a traditional Burns Night will
be held at the club to celebrate the life and times of the great Scottish poet
and man-about-town, Robbie Burns. Those unfamiliar with the works of Burns will
be interested to learn that he was a prolific author of poems and songs, with
his most famous creation being 'Auld
Lang Syne'. Every year Burns Night is celebrated at hundreds, even thousands,
of venues all over the world, and this January will see the first dinner in his
honour at the Hermanus Bowls Club. It is certain to become an annual event, and
members are urged to buy their tickets at R100 as soon as possible. Arrange a
table of eight if you prefer the company of special buddies on this evening of
frivolity, food (3 courses - see the club notice board) and song, otherwise
just buy your ticket and you will share this fun-filled evening with
like-minded lovers of the good life. Tickets are limited so get yours a.s.a.p.
Over the years it has become apparent that
there are many misconceptions about what a Haggis is. To clear up these
misunderstandings of an item which takes centre stage on Burns Night, here is a
full explanation (extracted at great expense from the Scottish Crafts UK website)
providing the true answer to the question. Hopefully this will clear up all of
the misconceptions about the Haggis, that rare and very beautiful beastie of
the Scottish Highlands (and very tasty too).
What's a Haggis?
A haggis is a small animal native to
Scotland. Well, when I say animal, but actually it's a bird with vestigial
wings - like the ostrich. Because the habitat of the haggis is exclusively
mountainous, and because it is always found on the sides of Scottish mountains,
it has evolved a rather strange gait. The poor thing has only three legs, and
each leg is a different length. The result of this is that, when hunting haggi,
you should get them on to a flat plain where they are very easy to catch......
you see, they can only run round in circles.
After catching your haggis and dispatching
it in time honoured fashion, it is cooked in boiling water for a period of
time, then served with tatties and neeps (and before you ask, that's potatoes
and turnips).
The noise haggi make during the mating
season gave rise to that other great Scottish invention, the bagpipes.
Many other countries have tried to establish
breeding colonies of haggi, but to no avail - it's something about the air and
water in Scotland. Once the 'haggi' are removed from that environment, they
just pine away.
A little known fact about the haggis is its
aquatic ability. You would think that with three legs of differing lengths the
poor wee beastie wouldn't be very good at swimming, but as some of the Scottish
hillsides have rather spectacular lakes on them, over the years the haggis has
learned to swim very well. When in water, it uses its vestigial wings to propel
itself forward, which it can do at a very reasonable speed. Haggi are by nature
very playful creatures, and when swimming very often swim in a group - a bit
like ducks - where the mother will swim ahead and the youngsters follow in a
line abreast. From a distance, I'm sure you'll agree, the tourist at Loch Ness
can easily mistake a family of 'haggi' out for their daily swim as Nessie, the
proverbial monster which supposedly resides in the deep waters of the loch.
This of course gives rise to many false sightings, but is inherently very good
for the tourist industry in Scotland.
The largest known recorded haggis (caught in
1893 by a crofter at the base of Ben Lomond), weighed 25 tons.
In the water, haggi have been known to reach
speeds of up to 35 knots, and therefore, coupled with their amazing agility in
this environment, they are extremely difficult to catch. However, if the hunter
can predict where the haggis will land, a good tip is to wait in hiding on the
shore, because when they come out of the water, they will inevitably run round
in circles to dry themselves off. This process, especially with the larger haggis,
gives rise to another phenomenon - circular indentations in the ground, and
again, these have been mistaken by tourists as the landing sites of UFOs.
No-one has as yet been able to ascertain the
sex of captured haggi, and partially because of this, scientists assume the
haggis is hermaphroditic. This may also be a product of evolution and does
explain the logistical problems of bringing two haggi together - after all,
surefooted though the beast is, if two were to mate on a Scottish hillside, it
is a long fall down, and a slip at the wrong time may very well result in a
reduction by two of the total haggis population.
What is known about haggis breeding is that,
several days prior to giving birth, the haggi make a droning sound - very much
like a beginner playing the bagpipes for the first time - giving rise to
speculation that the bagpipes were indeed invented in Scotland simply to lure
unsuspecting haggi into a trap. At the onset of this noise, all other wildlife
for a five mile radius can be seen exiting the area at an extremely high rate
of knots (wouldn't you if your neighbours had just started to play the
bagpipes?). The second purpose of the noise seems to be to attract other haggi
to the scene in order to assist with the birth. This also gives rise to the
assumption that haggi are tone deaf. Haggi normally give birth to two or more
young haggi, or "wee yins", as they are called in Scotland, and from
birth their eyes are open and they are immediately able to run around in
circles, just like their parents.
The wee yins are fiercely independent, and
it is only a matter of weeks before they leave the parent couple and go off
foraging for food on their own, although it is perhaps a two or three year
period before they are themselves mature enough to give birth.
Most haggi hunters will leave the wee yins
simply because of their size, but when attacked by other predators they emit
the bagpipe-like sound, which again has the effect of very quickly clearing the
surrounding area of all predators while attracting other haggi to the scene.
This results in a very low infant mortality rate, with most wee yins actually
making it to adulthood.
The lifespan of the haggis is again an
unknown quantity, but from taggings done in the Victorian era, we know that
some haggi live for well over 100 years.
Haggis hunting season is the week before
Robbie BurnsBirthday, officially January 25th. Only kilted Highlanders can hunt
a haggis, and only if they can play certain notes on the bagpipes. If the
hunters fail to catch a haggis then synthetic haggis is made at home using an
old traditional Scottish recipe instead:
Take the liver, lungs & heart of a sheep
and boil them. Mince the meats and mix with chopped onions, toasted oatmeal,
salt, pepper, and spices. Take one properly cleaned sheep's stomach. Stuff the
cleaned stomach with the prepared contents. Sew up the stomach (leaving enough
room for expansion to avoid a large messy explosion) and boil. Serve and eat.
See you on the 27th!
